August 2015 marks a milestone in my life. Its the month that I literally have a new workplace. I know right? I’m old but still so young in terms of career. But still, I’m thankful and blessed for the opportunity to be in work and finally call a workplace. Of course where better to push my career than to work in a hospital.
Although a couple of years back I had already worked in a hospital, I’d like to think that this time its different. The difference is that I’m more decided now than ever to stick with it. I mean, I’ve always wanted, dreamed of, having a workplace or unit of my own but it is only now that I appreciated it more because it’s here. I said to myself that no matter how hard it would be or would get, I will come out loud and proud. And that no matter how down I can feel through the process, I will never give up without a damn fight!
When I had my one on one with my would be head Nurse, he asked what my expectations were. I said “i actually haven’t thought about it”. This is actually very true in all honesty. You just know that its right and its high time, and I felt that it was. It’s kind of like feeling that this is your last chance, you either take it or live a life of mediocrity and what ifs’. I don’t want to live that way ever.
So orientation day came and poof! It’s as if I should be doing this all my life. Expectations are high, adjustment will be so damn hard. However, I won’t lie, its been a lot. I won’t say it hasn’t been rough because it is. But I just know that it will all be worth it. Besides, what person is given the easy way and ends up being greater than he expected. So what do I do during the rough couple of days? I self-pep talk. I’m good at doing that. I talk to myself and say “you will not always be the new person in the lot”. I hope to God that’s true.
As I wrote this short entry a while back, its been couple of days since the first official day of being the newbie, and guess what? I’m still a newbie. But I’d like to think that in the few days in, I have learned so much. And that is what keeps me going. The possibility of always being better than before. I’m not telling you that I’ve made zero mistakes because I have made tons of them by now from paper work to dealing with the doctors, but at the end of each shift (kahit pa late ka nahuman) you still find a reason to be thankful and happy. No matter how small it is like a smile from your nursing patients, or a big fat Thank you from watchers, you still find the reason to go on because what you do, you do with purpose.
So cut the crap about self-inadequacy and depression because you’re not as good as the others. It’s not a competition. You are bound to make mistakes and have short comings, you are bound to have bad days, there will always be pressure, there will always be yell days and crying days.. But you should never ever let the bad days ruin all the good days that you have.
Dust off the dirt, stand again. You might have to face through the pain but remember what you will gain.